Riding the Wind Horse of Change

Families often ask the question, “How do we come to an agreement on family discussions that will lead to a successful transition? How do we include everyone without having a breakdown in the conversation?” 

Before we answer the question, we need to start by exploring what a “family system” is.

A family is related group of individuals who make up the family dynamics. Together they create a paradox.  One paradox the family is trying to manage is how to maintain stability and roots and accommodate change and growth. 

Families often reach out to an Adviser or Specialist because they get stuck in a structural change, such as leadership in the business, birth/death/divorce in a family, or ownership changes. They are looking to an Adviser to create a bridge for them to cross.

The stress created by the pressure of structural changes in the family, business or ownership often results in a state of anxiety. The stress level is heightened with a threat to status, finances, leadership, ownership and/or inclusion/exclusion.  When the pressure mounts, emotions surface and are presented as truth and reason.

This result is the family not being able to move forward.  They continue the cycle of being at odds.  Making structural changes in this environment is next to impossible.  The family continues business as usual, unable to see a different future. The future is usually decided in the background and when the solution surfaces, it severs family connectedness.

Usually one member of the family or an adviser realizes the family needs help and reaches out to find the skills that will support the family to prepare for the structural change.  Another scenario is that a family member becomes symptomatic and the family looks for support for the possible symptom.      

So, how can families enjoy the experience of riding the Wind Horse of Change?

First question, what kind of future do you want to create, what is your intention for the future?  What can you do as an individual to help to move this process forward?

When people are in their own deficit of thinking, it’s very difficult for them to approach change without creating some sense of safety for themselves first.  

How can you create a safe process for a person to allow for new ideas, accommodate old ideas and create something larger than they have now?

What families need is a process that helps identify strengths and assets that the family already possesses and the threats and risks that can undermine success in the future as they change and life changes.

It is much juicier to talk about what is wrong with you and me…and with our family than to think about how to use our assets and resources to benefit the family growth. 

What families really want is a process that introduces them to new ways of thinking about themselves and each other.

Our process helps to use the family strength as a scaffold to use during difficult conversations. 

Over time practicing any new skill results in new thinking and behaviour. Think about teams that practice every day together and individuals that have their own coaches.  You can usually achieve a successful outcome.